Can you bring to mind the last time that something you did had an exceptional result? What was special about that time and what did you do to achieve that result? When I ask people to do that little exercise, they often really struggle to find that positive thing to focus on but can give me ten examples of the time that something went wrong. 

And yet, it’s as simple as changing what we decide to see. Is it that one time we ‘kerbed’ our tyres or those hundreds of times when we drove smoothly and calmly and nothing at all out of the ordinary happened? 

This new habit would be one of the most supportive things we can ever do for ourselves.

When we decide to focus on those good results and on what we do well, we don’t waste time and valuable effort on worrying about the times things didn’t work out. We learn whatever lessons there are to learn from the experience and we move on.

Sometimes we play the “ah but’ game when someone gives us a compliment on something we have done, on a meal we have prepared the clothes we have chosen to wear. We find ourselves saying ‘ah but, this bit didn’t work, I put too much seasoning/too little seasoning in, I think this colour doesn’t really suit me”. Suddenly a feel-good moment is overshadowed and the unfortunate soul who ventured to offer us a compliment scuttles away doubting both themselves and their judgement. 

One of the most important gifts we can give ourselves is the realisation that, with some things, good enough is good enough. 

This is really important for us and for any young people we are caring for. We can all feel that we are never good enough or achieving enough and a gentle reminder of the times we did something really well has a huge impact on the self -esteem and confidence we need to carry us all forward.

I believe that it takes three weeks to make or break a habit, wouldn’t it be great if we all decided today that we are just going to stop criticising and judging and see the amazing things we are all doing on a daily basis? 

Let’s start today and see where we are three weeks from now.

Don’t agonise… orrganise!

As I write this, the sun is streaming through my window and there are plenty of green shoots in the garden to remind me that Spring is definitely here. It’s a really welcome sight after a very long and dark winter that seems to have gone on forever.

The sunshine and calm weather this past weekend has brought people out in their droves and the beauty spots and footpaths around here were extra busy as families and sole walkers alike were out in the fresh air and enjoying just being outside. 

No one could deny that this last year has been one of the strangest years most of us have ever lived through. 

For many, there has been real loss and on-going sadness and I think few of us will ever forget the sight of older people last Mother’s Day being forced to smile and wave at their loved ones through closed windows and locked doors. Even though we all understood the reason and knew that it was the only thing to do it didn’t make the experience any less sad.

Sometimes it can feel like we are all caught up in a game of  ‘mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the saddest of us all?’  and many people have said to me ‘I know I shouldn’t grumble when there are many much less well-off than me or some who have struggled more than me”. Confronted with what some have experienced this year, it can seem like the rest of us shouldn’t complain about not being able to get a haircut or go out for a coffee. But, even if those are the only things that we have missed during this interminable period of lockdown, it doesn’t make our feelings any less valid and we should always honour our own needs and look after ourselves. 

The next few months have the potential to really open up our world again and most of us can hardly wait for that. Maybe for you it’s the potential to travel again to meet friends for coffee or cocktails, or finally getting back to our hairdressers to fix those pesky lockdown roots! 

Whatever you have been missing over the last year, none of us will be going forward completely unchanged and chocolate or cocktails or pizza might simply not be enough. Perhaps now would be a good time to build self-care habits into every day of our lives from here on. 

If you would like to find out how NLP or Hypnotherapy can support you in developing those new habits, don’t hesitate to contact me. 

Don’t agonise… orrganise!

Covid continues to be talked about as if it is an uninvited guest, an interloper with the temerity to shake everything up and prevent us from doing what we always did. No ski holidays, no trips to warmer climes to escape our freezing weather and absolutely no trips to the sales. Many of us are grateful that there is nothing expected of us and are happy just to take it easy and stay home but it can’t be denied that some of us feel isolated and lonely and are daunted by yet more weeks of home schooling. 

There has never been a time in living memory when life was so unpredictable and felt so different. Most of us have lived for years doing the same things year in and year out and any losses and other changes we have experienced have been limited to ourselves, and those close to us. 

This last year, for the first time in most of our lifetimes,  we are sharing experiences with so many other people even though everyone is reacting differently. Some are fairly relaxed and ready to go with the flow and others are stressed and anxious. 

The trouble with life being the same for long periods of time is that we get used to that being the case and we begin to believe that we have power over what happens to us and it can be really difficult to adapt to any unpredictable life events over which we have no control. 

At the end of last year, many were fixated on the hope that 2021 was somehow going to be a reversal of fortunes and that a magic wand would be waved somewhere in the universe which would turn everything round and we could all breathe a huge, collective sigh of relief. 

I have decided that this year I am going to be more accepting and kinder to myself and to be more patient with what’s going on around me. None of us know how long we are going to be living with the restrictions we are currently experiencing so let’s all decide to adopt new supportive habits, whether that’s walking in nature every day, having a relaxing bath or not putting ourselves down when someone compliments us.  After all, using our energy to protest about restriction and to lament that we can’t do what we always do saps our strength and prevents us developing positive new resilient habits that will support us into the future, whatever that looks like.

If you would like to develop new techniques to support you through this period and into the future, please get in touch. 

Don’t agonise… orrganise!

How many times have you decided to quit smoking? If you ask most smokers that question they’ll probably tell you that they managed to stop many times in the past - for three weeks…three months or even three or more years. Often people have a narrative to add, they may have been doing fine until they lost their job, their spouse, their business went bankrupt or they had bad news about a loved one.

Their response to those life events was to light a cigarette and within a short space of time that familiar smoking pattern of ten, twenty or thirty cigarettes a day was re-established as their bodies relaxed back into that old and all too familiar habit. 

Many people believe that quitting would work out fine if only they had more willpower.  We are all encouraged to think that success at anything depends on the strength of our determination and, if we don’t succeed, that can only mean that we aren’t committed enough!

The problem with willpower is that we are constantly focussed on what we don’t want and what we need to resist at all costs. Using this technique to stop smoking means that the ex-smoker is constantly thinking ‘I’m definitely NOT going to smoke today’ or “when I go past the shop on the corner where I buy my cigarettes, I’m definitely NOT going to go inside and buy a pack of cigarettes’ 

To try that out for yourself, just for a minute, try not to think about a pink elephant. What happened?  I’m willing to bet that the first thing that popped into your head was the very thing that you were trying so hard not to imagine.  Well that is exactly the same thing that happens when we tell ourselves that there is something we are going to avoid at all costs We first have to think about that object before crossing it out or drawing a curtain over it. 

To paraphrase Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.  Isn’t it time to do something completely different?

It really is possible to decide that this ‘National No Smoking Day’ is the last one you’ll see as a smoker. Up until now your unconscious mind has been programmed through years of repetition with the belief that smoking has done something positive for you. In other words, there has been a positive intention behind the years of this habit that has allowed you to convince yourself that cigarettes:

• Relieve stress or boredom or soothe uncomfortable feelings
• Make social situations easier
• Give you something to do with your hands

Or any one of a hundred other reasons that we use to prove to ourselves that there is a positive intention behind this habit. 

Instead of focussing endlessly on giving up smoking and mourning what we convince ourselves that we’ll lose by letting it go, how would it be if we could simply focus on new, healthy behaviours? 

Hypnotherapy has proven to be one of the most effective ways to change habits. If you really want to quit smoking forever, you will find that you don’t have to try not to smoke. By shifting your focus to new healthy habits, the urge will no longer be there. You will generate healthy new behaviours, which will become second nature to you.  

Interested? To find out more about how Hypnotherapy can help you to quit smoking forever… Call Francine at Orrganise

Don’t agonise… orrganise!

Every year at this time people start to think about getting ready for Christmas. Shop windows and magazine covers are full of beautiful sparkly things and magazines and television adverts entice us to buy the latest party wear and invest in this year’s ‘must haves’ for our loved ones. If we were being observed from some distant planet, the onlooker could be forgiven for thinking that we are all obsessed with such important questions as; what should we wear? Who should we spend the festivities with? What should we eat? And what presents should we buy for family and friends? Sometimes, it feels like we have forgotten the real point of Christmas and how important it is to enjoy the festive period and really take the chance to relax with people we love.

Not content with beating ourselves up about our perceived failure to organise the perfect Christmas, many of us then look towards January and make those big promises to ourselves about what we are going to achieve after those midnight bells on the 31st of December. We tell ourselves that this coming year will be the one when we stop smoking, start going to the gym, give up chocolate, gin, crisps, cigarettes, grumbling or whatever habit we have wrestled with. On the surface, this all seems very positive and it’s clear that we could really transform our lives if we could only stop that habit or give up on whatever it is that we do to stop us from living our very best life. But, if the benefits are so obvious, why do we make the same commitments every December and why haven’t we reached those elusive goals?

This year, maybe we should try a new approach and one that would give us all a better chance of succeeding?  Wouldn’t it be great if, right now, at this very moment, we just decided that, this year, we were going to do things differently? if we could just decide that NOW is the best time to make the changes we’ve been promising ourselves for more years than we would probably want to remember? 

A year from now you’ll be glad you made a start, today is as good a day as any to get going, there are still several weeks before the festive season begins in earnest. 

Several weeks when we can really make a difference in a good way instead of writing off the rest of this year and deciding to get healthy next year. 
There is no more perfect time than right now to start eating healthily, moving more, or looking for that job or course which can open doors to a bright shiny future. 

How would it feel to put on that smart suit or beautiful party dress and see ourselves glowing with health because we made those changes today? Or what if we enrolled on that course or updated our cv in readiness for making the career move we have dreamt of for so long?

Making a start now could mean that we are well on our way to success long before those Hogmanay bells have even begun to chime.

We’ve all heard that old saying that a goal without a plan is just a dream and, while I think a dream is a great thing to have, if we want our lives to change then we need to think about how we’re going to make it happen.

If you would like to talk about how Hypnotherapy and coaching with NLP can help you reach those goals contact Francine@Orrganise

Don’t agonise… orrganise!

Do you remember playing outside as a child and enjoying the freedom to explore in nature without the restrictions of school and other indoor environments? Did you and your classmates clamour to work outside on those sunny days or stare through the exam room windows longing to get out there and enjoy the sunshine? This love of the outdoors goes a long way to explain why so many people feel that walking and talking is an effective way to work through their concerns. For many of us, that same freedom and those wide open spaces continue to support us as adults and we like nothing better than shedding our inhibitions and talking and sharing freely. 
 
Walking and talking is an effective and innovative therapy that suits so many people because it provides a great opportunity to work through those issues that get in the way of our progress and keep us stuck in old ways of thinking. 
 
Some people are really comfortable discussing their concerns and issues outside in nature rather than in the therapy room and this way of working can be effective for people of all ages. Some individuals love to stride along, deep in thought and conversation while they make sense of what’s going on in their lives and others enjoy walking at a gentle pace and find being in nature restful and reassuring. Whatever the pace, people who enjoy this way of working relish the feeling of being connected to the outside world as well as the freedom it gives them to talk about anything they want to talk about while feeling totally grounded. 

But, what about the notorious Scottish climate, this wonderful summer with its blazing sunshine and balmy evenings is hardly the norm. In fact, a very dear friend of mine recently commented that working outdoors might be a bit challenging in our more inclement conditions. But, it’s important to remember that walking and talking in nature doesn’t depend on the sun shining on us, to paraphrase Billy Connolly, “there is no bad weather, just bad clothes!” Many people love dramatic and interesting weather conditions and can think of nothing better than pulling on waterproof clothing and stout shoes or trainers and heading out in to the elements. 
 
Being outdoors anytime, whether skies are blue or grey, can ground us and remind us that there is a big world out there beyond ourselves, our homes and our workplaces and that we are all part of that wider world. 
 
It has to be said that this way of working doesn’t suit everyone as some people will always prefer the warmth and comfort of being safely ensconced indoors but, if you have tried other therapies and felt they weren’t for you, maybe walking and talking in the great outdoors could be a brilliant and effective alternative. Why not give it a try? 

Don't agonise, orrganise!

If you think about it, starting the year in January feels a bit counterintuitive. Why would we mark a fresh beginning in the dead of winter, when the days are short and the nights are cold and every instinct tells us to wrap up warm, hunker down and eat comforting food?  All things considered, it must be no surprise that it can feel impossible to consider making life-changing decisions, let alone put those new, healthy choices into action. 

Winter can feel like a time to hibernate and many of us are only motivated to rush home in the evening and curl up in the warm. The food we want to consume at this time of the year is often stodgy, sweet and heavy. Not the kind that nourishes us, makes us feel light and healthy and energises us as we go about our daily routines.   All things considered, January doesn’t seem like the right time for renewal. 

But now it’s Spring, at least, according to the calendar, Easter has passed with it’s heaps of chocolate and family time and finally, we can all begin to look forward to longer and more productive days to come. After months of darkness and cold weather we can begin to dream of longer evenings and brighter mornings. When the warmer weather comes along it can begin to feel like we want to make lots of changes to our lives. We get more enthusiastic about what we want to do next and this can take many forms. Sometimes we swear we will never touch chocolate, or wine or chips ever again or we tell everyone we meet that we are going to get up an hour earlier every morning and head to the gym or out for a power walk or a run.  We see this vision of our very best self. But sometimes what actually happens can be very different indeed. Maybe the weather doesn’t get better and that sunshine and warmth that we’ve been imagining doesn’t actually materialise.

Maybe it’s time to focus on those changes and checking that they are realistic and properly planned out. If our regular walk or run depends on warm weather and the total absence of rain, how likely is it that we’ll stick to this particular plan?  If we’re only going to stick to a lighter and healthier eating plan when it’s warm and sunny, maybe it’s not a sustainable and long-term plan. Wouldn’t it be great if we added in some new steps that would support us to make those changes?

• Set a specific and realistic goal – and don’t forget to specify!  if past experience tells you that you are never going to get up at six to go for that run, why not decide to plan something that you really will do like a regular lunch-time walk on three days of the week and a longer walk at the weekend?
• Make a realistic plan- this can really help you to know what you are reaching for and will let you know when you’ve achieved it. The more thorough and thought out the plan, the better your chance of success. 
• Prepare yourself for setbacks and recognise that these happen to everyone and that making mistakes is part of the bigger picture for everyone. Stop criticising yourself! 

A favourite Aunt of mine was fond of quoting a poem by Jenny Joseph which starts ‘When I’m an old woman I shall wear purple with a red hat that doesn’t go and doesn’t suit me….’  Is your resolution or your long term plan something that you’ll achieve when more years have gone by or... is now the time?

To discuss how hypnotherapy and coaching with NLP can support you to reach those goals and achieve your dreams, contact Francine

Don’t agonise… orrganise!